Hello there,
Yes, musing on Monday again. Had a fabulous weekend, it was Aiden's 4th birthday party and so much fun! See that photo of him in the Buzz Lightyear tshirt? That was my Ben's Tshirt which had been saved in a draw for nearly 22yrs! Aiden did many tshirt changes through out his party but he finally put the Buzz one on and stayed in it! How that warmed my heart! We played totem tennis, we laughed, we ate pizza and cheese and crackers and dips and Aiden and I shared a pink musk stick lolly too. Ah he loves his GinGin and Herbie like he loves all those around him who love him so much.
Father and son got to battle out the totem tennis and yes Ben, ya mumma's arm did bruise, but not too bad, a bit like having a vaccination shot, I'll live ROFL.
HOWEVER...
... the last few weeks have been hard. Really hard. You see I took my father for a check up with his urologist 2 weeks ago and last week for his 3 monthly oncology check up. Within the space of those 2 appointments, I saw my father, my Daddy, deteriorate into this feeble old man (his mind is still a 'naughty boy' mind though LOL) He was completely different from one check up to the following one. I've not cried, I think I've done so much of that but this time, I don't know. I think Dad and I both knew something wasn't quite right and we talked about it and we agreed with his oncologist's assistant that we expected there to be a return of the cancer in his right lung.
Well no said Roland when he walked in to to have a closer look of all the scans. No no, no no, we can't be certain. You see your father is in this research trial, the radiation treatment was nearly a full year ago but it is still doing it's 'job', this shadow could still be the scarring forming. But Dad was really breathless that day. He said he's usually like it when he has to get up earlier than he usually gets up. Well to me getting up at 9am is not early but for Daddy it is, he's usually up about 11am'ish. Anyway, Roland said Dad needs to get back to his respiratory specialist because this not being able to breath and the fluid/phlegm he can't seem to cough up from his lungs (it gets stuck in his throat) needs to be checked out. Dad's on some antibiotics to help with what infection the oncologist feels is there. A referral has been sent to Wyong hospital and Dad's letting me know when that appointment will be.
Now to make matters worse, Dad can receive calls on his landline but for some strange reason no one can hear when calls are made out from his landline. Dad's paying for all these phone calls only to be hung up on because they can't hear him. Talk about funny in a way because it's Dad's that going deaf! I feel the need, the need to call Optus faults and let rip again. If I have them say to me on you'll have to get your father to call I will freak'in loose it! I had more than 5 months of that at the beginning of the year. Don't tell me that B/S all over again. We know where that landed don't we! Yes with the Telecommunications Ombudsman!!!!!
Between Dad and my sister, using her mobile is a comedy of errors. You see my sister is mildly intellectually handicapped so relies on my father, as he does her. She doesn't drive either, never has. My sister and I agree that we don't like Dad being on his own when she's got to/wants to go out. My sister can be quite independent but she doesn't handle change/technology/bad news very well, doesn't and can't mentally repeat things she's been told that she needs to tell others, she just hands my father her phone but poor dad can't hear properly on a mobile phone, sigh.
Talk about caught between a rock and a hard place! My blogging, my crafting, my regular FF@F'o'clock'ish and Tutu Tuesday posts have taken a back seat for now. I drove nearly 800ks in the last two visits and back. Taking Dad to oncology is not like in Sydney. I've got to drive up the day before to Chain Valley Bay North, then drive down to East Gosford, then drive Dad back up to Chain Valley Bay north then drive back home to my place in Sydney. It's a lot of driving when the sun is getting warmer and bright sunshine hurts my eyes so very badly. I have my own 'issues' and the sun makes them worse. Think lupus SLE and fibromyalgia for a start.
Any-who, if you read this far, thank you. Writing some of this down helps me get out some of my frustration and grief without having to repeat myself. I'm trying to cope as best I can but summer is coming. Our Ben's wedding is 30th November and the ceremony is outside. I think I need a new hat! A nice red one to go with my outfit I am wearing. Yes? Yes, a new red hat may be perfect!
Bye for now, and remember,
happy stamping colouring & creating!
